Jay's Bio

(I know this is long, but please indulge me! My posts won't nearly be this long in the future. This is adapted from my remarks at Jay's funeral with additions from the stories we heard from those who knew him and loved him and took the time to share.)

Way back in 1997, Tim and I received fantastic news: after four years of marriage, we were expecting our first child. In July of that year, we eagerly arrived at our 20-week sonogram looking for 10 fingers and 10 toes, and, if possible, the baby’s gender. “It’s a boy!” we heard, but the technician was hardly excited.  She seemed, in fact, quite concerned.
 It wasn’t long before a doctor was summoned to our dimly-lit room to deliver grave news: the sonogram had detected symptoms that could be indicative of a fatal chromosomal disorder that would limit our son’s life to days…weeks at most. We were instructed to go home and return in six weeks for a follow-up exam.  If the symptoms persisted, we’d have to prepare for the worst. If they resolved we could plan to welcome a healthy baby boy in a few months.

Six weeks is a long time to ponder the possibilities of such news and ponder we did. What about the buddy boy we could dress in blue and play with at the park…who would be a passionate football fan just like his dad or an artistically-inclined francophone like his mom? That’s what we signed up for! But here’s what we came to realize in those long 42 days: this baby wasn’t coming into this world for us. When we decided to bring a baby into this world, we signed up to parent the baby we would get and do whatever was needed to help him to thrive. If his life was to be only one day, we would love him and comfort him and make it the best life it could possibly be. Proudly.

Six weeks finally passed and at our follow-up we were elated to learn that our baby would be healthy. But our shifted outlook on parenting stayed with us and played a crucial part in the way we raised our son (and his two younger sisters). Once we knew he would be healthy, we barely bothered with any other expectations. Let’s just hold him and love him and see who he becomes. On December 16, 1997, we were blessed with our sweet baby boy, John Carlton Gallagher, named after his grandfathers, affectionately nicknamed Jay.

At a young age we saw that Jay did like football a little, but was nuts about Nascar. He learned everything there was to know about racecars. His favorite goodnight story was The Dale Jarrett Story.  He was sharp at math, pretty good at reading and loved conversing with adults who were often astounded by his choice of topic and his unusually low voice. As a young boy, he tried soccer, football and baseball but came to love hockey and golf, both of which he played throughout his youth and in high school. From the age of 7, Jay was a regular each summer in the Loudoun Junior Golf Association, where he learned both the skills of the game and the important life lessons and values that the game of golf has to offer.

Jay was a “rules kid,” and this shaped his outlook on life. Sometimes it worked for him; sometimes it complicated things. As quarterback of the Cougars second team at the age of 8, Jay would burn timeouts to report that his teammates were lined up incorrectly for the play that had been called. His coach could only laugh, because there was no convincing Jay just to run the play anyway!

Needless to say, we had to encourage Jay to loosen up a little –break some rules, even – so he could understand that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Once, he and his dad were attending a football game at UVA. Tim is a football official and has worked those games in the past. On this day, he was not assigned but convinced Jay they could get on the field to catch up with the crew. Their plan, if confronted, was to announce confidently, “We’re with the officials.” They pulled it off and enjoyed the game from the sidelines. Jay was exuberant. He was learning flexibility!

Jay had a mind like a computer, with a photographic memory. He read constantly on a variety of topics and retained so much of the information in the recesses of his brain only to recall nuggets for us at just the right moment. All the time, we’d question his explanations only to find out later through our own research that, in fact, he was absolutely correct.

In 8^th grade, Jay started a mowing business when his appetite for new gadgets far outpaced our ability to provide them. In his first season of operation, he earned enough money to purchase an iPad, which he did on a trip to NYC (uuuuuuh the taxes! We didn’t think about that!) He continued the business throughout high school and financed a variety of new toys, including an upgraded zero-turn mower which allowed him to do more yards in less time—a smart investment for a budding entrepreneur.

With his ordered, logical mind, it’s no surprise that Jay loved computers and made building them his hobby.  For himself, he built gaming computers and loved the challenge of finding the right parts to support the specifications that were required to run his favorite programs optimally. He learned by doing – often through trial and error. Following one over-heating incident, Jay realized that the factory-installed fan within his computer was not a sufficient cooling system when running high-performance car racing games. So he learned how to build a water cooling system and installed that in his CPU as well as a temperature gauge which he monitored carefully from that point on.

When I complained that my laptop was constantly being “borrowed” and not returned, he made me my own desktop for Christmas. He installed it in the living room and made the television my monitor. When his aunt’s brand new laptop was locking up for no apparent reason, Jay determined that the amount of memory installed was barely enough to run Windows. He ordered 8 more gigs of RAM and had her back in business with a laptop that has not locked up once since then.

Jay started high school a somewhat reserved student. Slowly, though, he grew into a thoughtful, witty, dedicated, well-rounded young man who showed a lot of promise in Science and Math, unmatched enthusiasm for political discourse in Government and a kindness for his peers that was admired by so many. Jay’s Biology teacher said of him,

As a freshman he was an excellent and attentive student, but fairly quiet in class.   It was really as a junior that his confidence, charm and wit were revealed.   I so enjoyed having him in my AP Biology class.  Once I handed him a paper 49.5/50, and he laughed and said, “Hmmm…not 50? I am putting it on my refrigerator anyway.”

He was the only student I have ever taught who, when a lab did not work out, asked if he could come during FLEX and do it again.  This was remarkable, as every other student would just take my example data and then complete their lab work.  Jay wanted the chance to do it right.

Jay’s Computer Science teacher wrote to us,

I believe Jay had in him incredible potential to not only be a great engineer but also an incredible human being. His ability to see things that others did not was astounding. I remember also once thinking that Jay would make an amazing old man one day, one who plays pranks on everyone to no end and tells little kids fascinating made up stories.

We’ve always known Jay was a talker but, we’ve learned recently that he was responsible for a good portion of the intellectual discourse in his Government and English classes. One of his classmates commented at his funeral, “English class is going to be so quiet tomorrow.”

Jay always looked out for others in school. One classmate told us this story:

The first day of senior year, I tried to sit with a few friends at lunch but the table was hopelessly full and I was left out. I went over and found an empty table and sat down by myself. Jay saw and decided that was not going to work. He got up from his table and walked over. Then he commanded [a few others] to come over too. I had met Jay before but we didn’t know each other too well, yet he wanted to make sure that I wasn’t alone.

Even more touching for us was the story we heard from a young man who stood in line for more than two hours at Jay’s visitation to relay a message from his sister, who was unable to attend. She wanted us to know that she would be forever grateful for Jay’s thoughtfulness. He’d been there for her in middle school when others ostracized and teased her. The young man in line adamantly asserted that his sister was alive today because Jay was a friend to her in her darkest moments.

With his new found confidence junior year, Jay tried out and made the high school’s improv comedy group called SOFA. In addition, he participated in the Engineering Club, for which he became the president his senior year. He was also a four year member of the Golf team and the Hockey Club. One of his friends remarked, “He managed to be a jock and a drama kid and a nerd all at once and he was damn good at it!”

In the summer before his senior year, Jay set his sights on getting a job at the newly opened Loudoun Top Golf. The interview process was slightly unconventional –at one point they required the group of applicants to dance. 

“What?!” we asked, in shock. “What did you do?”

Rather casually, but proudly, he reported, “I danced! I figured everyone was doing it. I couldn’t look any stranger than the next guy!”

Jay also never outgrew his love of fast cars and his knack for knowing (and sharing) every detailed fact about the makeup of the engine, acceleration rates, etc. His interests shifted as he aged, though, to motorcycles. Not long after his 18^th birthday, he obtained his motorcycle learner’s permit and was preparing to take the motorcycle safety class early this year. He was also researching heavily the best motorcycle model for him, which he hoped we would purchase for him as a graduation gift.

Jay’s hard work in high school paid off his senior year. He’d set his sights on Engineering schools and he learned last December that he’d been accepted at Purdue University and at University of South Carolina. We learned later that he was also accepted at Virginia Tech and Virginia Commonwealth University. All along, though, Jay had his heart set on being a Hokie, so we’re certain he would have joined the Class of 2020 in Blacksburg this fall.

Jay is survived by his dad, Tim; his mom, Erin; his younger sisters, Lindsay and Laurenne; his dog, Homer; three sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Jay was bright, funny, engaging and full of thought and wonder and promise. Was he the kid we thought he’d be when we first learned we were pregnant in 1997? Not at all! He was far more interesting, far wittier, and a greater joy than we ever could have thought possible. Our first born child and our only son, Jay will be missed dearly.