When we think of Depression, we imagine someone who is sad and withdrawn for a noticeable period of time (more than two weeks, I’ve heard it said.) In Severe Depression, we’re told, symptoms worsen and are more noticeable -- loss of appetite, irregular sleep patterns, failing grades, acting out in the form of argumentative and/or erratic behavior and even alcohol and drug abuse.
But what if someone is engaging and witty, contributes in class, gets to work on time, can be counted on to get things done, and goofs around lightheartedly with friends in his down time? Can he be depressed?
Turns out -- the answer is yes. The condition has been called Smiling Depression or Perfectly Hidden Depression ( PHD -- a term that appears to have been coined by Dr. Margaret Rutherford. You can learn more about her here) and describes someone who struggles inwardly but manages to hide it from friends and family. Their reasons for hiding are varied and personal but might be based in one or more of the following mindsets or fears:
I could try to describe Smiling Depression for you myself but I’m afraid I won’t represent it as well as others can. One article I recommend is a short piece by Rita Labeaune, Psy.D. that appeared on the Psychology Today website in 2014. Pay particular attention to paragraph 7, regarding the disturbing truth of suicide risk in those with Smiling Depression. Those who seem to be doing the best tend to fare the worst, sadly. Read it here.
For a testimony of the struggles of Perfectly Hidden Depression, watch this TED talk by a young comedian named Kevin Breel. It’s not quite 11 minutes but packed with such important information. I cried my eyes out as he spoke and nodded in vehement agreement at several points in his message, especially 6:27, 8:20, and 9:30.
I am so grateful for the conversations that have begun recently, initiated by courageous, selfless souls who’ve chosen to step out of the shadows to boldly and unapologetically speak their truths. People like Kevin Breel, and, locally, Jennifer Marshall who has modeled strength, honesty and vulnerability by both sharing her story and offering a platform to others to share theirs through
We are on the cusp of a new world where mental illness is less stigmatized, less generalized, better understood. It saddens me that the timing wasn’t right for Jay, that he had to live in fear of being exposed. I hope, though, that his story can in some small way help to break down barriers, open hearts and move us to a place where mental illness is recognized as no big deal. We acknowledge it and manage it honestly and without shame, the way we would any other health issue.
Please do your part to make it so. Maybe you have a story to tell. Maybe you can encourage someone to tell theirs. Let's do this for the sake of those who suffer so that they may know a world where there's no need to hide, where there's nothing to fear.
Go forth in Love + Remember Jay
I have been thinking about this SO much lately. When I had my miscarriage before Miles I assumed that something was terribly wrong and perhaps I would never have children, but then people started coming forward and saying "Me too. It happened to me too and it will be okay." It's the same way with mental illness. Many very brave people are coming forward with their stories and others have been able to say "me too"...and suddenly people start realizing that it's safe to talk about. I will always regret not sharing my struggles with Jay, but I will say here and now "me too".
ReplyDeleteSo brave, Amy. *hugs*
DeleteErin,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your blog and all that you are sharing. I believe you are helping others and I hope this helps bring you some comfort. I really connected with this post and will watch and read your suggested video's and articles. My father committed suicide 8 years ago and he had Perfectly Hidden Depression. I try to retrace to missed signs and it is hard. Thank you for sharing and sending thoughts of peace and comfort to you and your family.
Warmly,
Laura Hayes
Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Thanks for sharing your story with me. ~Erin
DeleteErin, you are doing such an amazing thing here in raising awareness. I work in the mental health field and have to admit that I had never heard the term Smiling Depression or PHD. It makes perfect sense though. And my organization has featured countless stories from folks who have managed to keep their illnesses hidden for many years. I kept mine under wraps for several. I'm so sad that the timing wasn't different for Jay. Thank you for doing this important work in Jay's memory.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jennifer!
DeleteErin, you're amazing! Our son suffers from depression also and has recently started reaching out to others. I know how incredibly lucky we are to still have him!
ReplyDeleteGlad your son is discovering ways to manage his depression. Thanks for sharing your story. Love to all of you!
ReplyDeleteHello Erin. Thanks so much for sharing more information on Perfectly Hidden Depression. I think as a culture we're only beginning to touch the surface of understanding that the classic presentation of depression isn't always the only valid one. This young man's story is a tragic example of just that. I'd love to talk with you or anyone who reads this article more. My email: askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.
ReplyDeleteSo there IS a term for it. I was thinking about myself this week, wondering why I have the willingness, time, and energy to conquer the world for others, yet no seeming ability to keep up with my own simple bills and paperwork unless a companion helps me. Most see me a highly accomplished, and seek out my advice, but I don't even get out of pajamas many days, thanks to computers.
ReplyDeleteStarlight, with so many years passed since your comment, my reply may never be seen. That's okay. But I still wanted to say, you're not alone. I can relate. Helping others can be a way of distracting ourselves from our own inward pain, which rises to the forefront when we are at home, alone. Journaling, counseling, medication, and/or a friend who is good at administration can all help. And that's nothing to be ashamed about.
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