Love One Another

A letter to my community, near and far, as we approach Election Day 2016:

Maybe I’m super sensitive but I just can’t stand the ugliness that this election has brought out. It’s not just in the candidates; it’s in us as well. In any political discussion, whether it’s at a block party or a kids sporting event, around the water cooler at the office or even around the dinner table (eek!), there’s an overwhelming sense of Us v. Them, Those Who are Right v. Those Who are Wrong. We are really unforgiving of opposing opinions (and that might be the understatement of the year!). When we find ourselves in the exclusive company of those in “our camp” we get all gloaty and hurl insults about those people who are ruining     this          country!

Please, don’t think I’m pointing any fingers. I can be the worst offender. Just ask Jay's friend Brian who has seen it from me up close and personal. (I'm really sorry, Brian. Really.)

What's interesting is over the last many months, outside of political discussions, Tim and I have had a completely different experience with people. When Jay died suddenly in February, we were overwhelmed by the response of all of you. You came. You wept. You cooked. You cleaned. You sent cards, gifts, handwritten letters. You organized events. You lit candles. You dedicated masses. You stood in line for hours at the visitation so that you could take a whopping 30 seconds to squeeze us with an intense embrace then grasp us urgently by the shoulders to square us up so you could look us deep in the eyes and choke out the words I am so sorry with the most authentic sincerity I have ever experienced. Person after person after person -- you did this for us. It was powerful -- an experience that moves me to tears every time I think about it.

So here’s the weird part. (I don’t know if you’ve thought about this.) Since this country is roughly split down the middle when it comes to political party affiliation, Tim and I, to some of you, are those people. We are going to the polls next Tuesday to cast our votes proudly for that candidate who many of you are certain is going to ruin everything if elected. Yet, in February, you came to heap immeasurable amounts of love on us without knowing our political affiliation. Heck, some of you came despite knowing our political affiliation!

Why? Why did all of the “issues” of the day go away in that moment in time?

Why, in crisis, were all our differences insignificant when now they form an insurmountable barrier that divides us?

It’s like in our regular lives we’re barbarians, all of us -- beastly snorting mobs who don’t care who we insult, who we offend or what any idiot thinks about our opinion which is actually the truth -- thank you very much!

Then *BOOM* crisis strikes. And suddenly our masks of madness melt away and, without hesitation, we cloak ourselves in love and smother those in need with kindness and generosity and condolences. We may even linger in that space of grace and patience with the world for several weeks or even months as the sober truth of life’s fleeting nature lingers and re-orients us towards the only things that really matter -- kindness, love, family, community.

We were made to love one another and live in community.  We are hard-wired to do it. We summon those best parts of us when they’re needed most, in those crisis moments. But, truly, loving our neighbor and being generous and forgiving with those around us is hard work! It requires daily discipline, conscientious effort. And we’re not really great at that.

It’s easier to run around frantically focused solely on our own needs, our own opinions, our own hearts’ desires. When it’s necessary we can hit *pause* on the craziness and give our best to someone else, but too quickly our pre-occupied sloppy selves re-emerge and edge everything else out. Then we're back to spewing about those people. Ugh.

I think we can do better. We can live generously on a daily basis. We can dedicate ourselves to what we know is right in our hearts -- being kind and thoughtful are the most important things. With effort, we can make that the norm, not the exception! Your actions in the face of our family tragedy serve as stunning proof that we’re all capable of offering the very best to one another.

What if we commit to love and accept one another regardless of what happens next Tuesday? 

In this election season, can we make America great again? Yes we can! But we won't accomplish it by putting one candidate in office over another. We'll be great when each of us does the hard work of showing unconditional love and generosity toward our neighbors and in our community in big and small ways each and every day.